Ode to Toilets

It never ceases to amaze me how toilets around the world are designed so differently. I bring this up at this time because in our little hostel of Rotterdam, filled with little rooms there was a little toilet. Where some genius put the water hole bit right at the front of the bowl and a nice flat platform only 10cm away from your R-nus, for which when you poo you can feel the steam... and the smell. Idiots.

There is the opposite. Amazingly constructed for your defecating pleasure are the toilets located by us in the high alps of Sintra (Portugal) and Touloise (France) where at the touch of a but button the toilet seat revolves with a new layer of plastic on it for you peace of mind for the most hygenic trip you could possibly get in a public toilet. Also on the wall a button where instant freshness is released into the atmosphere to ensure next in line does not have to suffer the dreaded Cosby B-O.

And what the hell happened to toilet seats!!! Often amongst Spain and Italy were cafes with NO toilet seats. It just seems wrong, not as wrong as the hole in the ground found throughout China though. Why o' why does my cuntry of origin always seem to be a source of embarrassment.

The coolest toilets were a close tie between Amsterdam and Rotterdam. Amsterdam where I got to urinate into a pair of large luscious red lips and Rotterdam where the toilet was literally a work of Kunst (art). I felt bad as I let stream of post kidney filtered fluid over this work of Kunst, but hey its really only fulfilling its own destiny.

By far the most interesting toilet experience was in some Dublin club where standing there was a very manic african man that was really too-happy for someone who works in a toilet (although while I was there for the 10 or so minutes he had made about 5 euros... making that about 30 euros an hour which is almost double my pay). But he was standing there asking everyone about how the pussy was upstairs and that the girls here were very very loose. To cap it off as I was leaving he reminded me that if I was to get a fuck tonight, to remember to put on a condom. I guess if it's not on it's not on. I gave him 10 cents.